Healing Begin- By Tenth Avenue North

This song hit me like no other song has ever done; I hope you understand the message and understand to let go and be free!!!

Lyrics:
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Today was a rough day. In finally coming to the realization that I will be without my aunt for five years has given me strength as well as courage to obtain this goal for her. In knowing that I could always count on her for the push I became dependent upon her. I now have to relay solely on self. My pick me up today was finding out that a twitter friend would be retaking the LSAT in October. She has been the biggest help from the very beginning. It's funny that at one point I gave an oath to myself that I would never become apart of this twitter world and yet, It has benefited me in so many ways. With the start of a new month comes fresh ideas and new plans of progression. Starting tonight I will never allow my mouth to speak negative in a time of despair! I will do nothing but continue to speak forth fruit- knowing the minute I spit negative words it will consume me. Reality does not dictate my outcome.

Criticism, gosh how I loathe it at times. Side Note: I appreciate it but at times it can be a double edge sword. In saying that, I understand it's a growing process and sign of maturity when you are able to take the sting. The beautiful thing is that I have finally realized that it is not condemnation or a put down to have your coat tail pulled. Breathe and take it. Know that the act of criticism is a form of Love. I've come to terms with the evil act and embrace it (slowly). Worry should set in when you are not nagged and tested. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and since I am not HIM I'll praise HIM for it. This is the year that I grow and mature with no cares or worries. Progression, motivation, and determination! As a friend recently told me "congratulations and welcome to BIG GIRL land" lol.

Never be afraid of bad news- always have your heart fixed on trusting in the Lord. If anything, embrace bad news, it adds fuel to the fight towards progression. Bad news is just a test of your own confidence in the faith you stand on. xoxoxo

Taking this one step at a time. Think I may have found an interesting addition to the saga but not fully aware as of yet. Don't want to anticipate to much because that tends to lead to unnecessary expectations and fault. There's something about the laughter that draws me in. Something about the quality of the soul. A true breath of fresh air. I am worried I could lose and submit myself completely. Sidetracked from the normal LSAT ramble but still focused. :o)

Yesterday was a great day... Today was productive but with distractions. I was attempting to do another full length exam but was stumped by the games- so i turned the timer off and worked my little heart on them until I got through the first two portions. As I was on my fuming streak to master them, a study group went into the extra study room beside me; however, the group was not studying but practicing over their oral presentation.. lol So focus dampened out and I decided to leave before I began to write the history of Robert Frost instead of the answers to LG.. I have been encouraged tremendously over the past few days. Encouraged by self, knowing that I am so focused and serious its sicking to discuss out loud. I believe this was the push I lacked the last time taking the exam and there is no turning back. In the words of Will Smith "I will die on a treadmill" .

It has been awhile since I expressed myself here. Honestly, the reason for that is I was questioning a lot of things in my life from law school to my capabilities of comprehending an exam. I am back at step 1 intermediate.

Let me explain a revelation that came to me the other night. Its not that I can't do but what I have not done. Yes, God grants the desires of your life; however, He doesn't just pick you out randomly and say ok its your turn. This does not happen by any means- He sees your passion along with the work you put to gain it combined with your faith in him. I lost that faith, I lost that faith awhile ago.

It's funny because I'm able to encourage and motivate-even instill faith in other people- but when it comes to myself I would run out of fingers and toes counting how many times I have told myself no and choose another path. Its easy to put on a happy face and state your faith to others-it's a shame that you go through the motions and turmoil when alone.

This is not a pity party by no means necessary, it's simply an awakening for me and what it is that needs to be done. There will be no more claiming anything until I've shown proof of the need to claim. There will be no more procrastination because what I feel now is that time is winding down and I am being given an opportunity to gain a dream but at someone else's expense (this will wear out sooner than I think). This is still the a race and the finish line is still law school; however, my prospective for Me and my Actions have changed. Welcome to a new disciplined self.